Tango Tangled
Hey there,
I live life dangerously. I don’t read my texts before sending them. I submit documents 1 minute before the cut-off time. I don’t eject USB drives safely. I eat spaghetti while wearing a white T-shirt. I took one more pain killer than is recommended. And occasionally I disobey the rules! True confession time: a few weeks ago, I let Morty go off-leash on our walk on a multi-use regional trail.
Whoops.
This particular section is a beaten path off the main paved trail. Morty was busy sniffing around and I suspected she was in her hunting mode. I was watching her but not “with” her, at least mentally. My mind was wandering off and getting lost elsewhere. The next thing I noticed, Morty looked up and shifted her attention to something else. Just like that, she abandoned her hunting ground and quickly approached another dog who was running behind us.
Surprise! I didn’t realize that there was a person running with her dog on a leash behind me. The good news is my recall was still working. Morty came when I called (phew!). The human-dog duo was a bit startled by Morty’s quick and uninvited visit.
As they gathered themselves together, I leashed my dog and apologized for the mishap. At this point, Morty was safely leashed and at a safe distance apart from the other dog.
First, I quickly did a visual check on the dog, who seemed not to be bothered by the unfortunate event. He didn’t show any discomfort or distress. Then I visually checked on the human, who clearly wasn’t pleased with me. And rightfully so. The jogger lady stood there for a brief moment and gave me the “unbelievable…” look (and not in a good way, trust me). She then proceeded on with her exercise plan with her pup. As she was JOGGING AWAY from me, she yells “LEASH YOUR DOG.” I repeat, as she is jogging away! Looking straight, moving forward, no head turn! All I see is her back and the dog’s butt.
Here is what pisses me off about this the most. What she had to say, she could have said to my face. I know I am partly at fault (I’ll explain more). I’m willing and able to offer the jogging lady and her dog sincere apologies. Instead, she does the classic passive-aggressive move. And guess what? It doesn’t work. When you yell at me to “leash my dog” as you fade away, what is the chance I’d do that? Nada. Plus I really hate to be yelled at. My “Minnesota-nice” has temporarily shut down.
I assume she cares about safety and comfort for her dog. Her dog wears a harness, which is a necessity because it equally distributes any pressure from pulling throughout the chest, making it more comfortable for her pup. Collars put unnecessary pressure on a dog’s trachea, which can cause breathing and other health issues. She doesn’t use a retractable leash, which is a big NO-NO piece of equipment when running with a dog. Good choices, lady. You have done your dog proud.
It takes two to tango.
First of all, I shouldn’t have let Morty off-leash in the first place. But when I choose to live life dangerously like that, I must be better prepared, like a secret agent protecting the most valuable asset on this planet earth. I must be better at scanning my surroundings AND not letting my focus be somewhere in La La land. My mind and my focus will have to be in the same place at the same time. No distractions. No multitasking. No mind traveling. Morty is in my care and I take full responsibility for her parts and my doings.
The jogging lady also has some responsibilities too, however. I have to believe she saw Morty being off-leash on the trail we were on together. She could have warned us from behind, by saying something like “Behind You,” “On Your Left,” “Shish Kebab,” “Eureka,” or whatever. Make some noise, so I know someone is approaching us. She could have simply stopped jogging and said something before she got closer. Or she could have just turned around (this is extreme I know, but it’s an option nonetheless). If she did any of those, it would allow me time to react appropriately to her request.
I failed to notice any changes in my environment. The jogging lady failed to alert me.
We all have choices to make. And each choice we make has consequences. We all have to be responsible for our actions and accountability still counts.
In a perfect world, the jogging lady would have said something like:
“I know you want your dog to have freedom and fun. But I think it’s safer to keep her on a leash.”
“I’d appreciate it if you leash your dog.”
“If you do X, it will benefit Y.”
“If you don’t do Z, this is how it’s going to hurt” or something along that line.
Sadly, emotions usually run high in real life and sometimes we go straight to the dark side and quickly point out what is wrong. When you loudly and angrily dictate what must happen next (even when it seems to be the right solution), the compliance rate is going to be really low. Nobody likes to be yelled at, dogs included.
Before you start yelling, if you can help it, really hold your breath. Let the harsh words and toxic thoughts happen. Then let out that anger-infused breath so it can diffuse into thin air. There’s no need to immediately react to the situation when you are in a dark mood. You don’t have to say the person is wrong, but you could say something to help them do better. If you are the one who did wrong, you don’t have to say the other person is right, but follow her advice and thank her later when things cool down.
Take it from me if you will. Don’t expect people to always follow the rules. But when things go wrong, don’t highlight the flaws. Instead, help them think through their options and allow them to come up with possible solutions. The answers people devise for themselves are the ones that tend to stick, after all. Using persuasion is much more effective, especially when combined with compassion and an intent to improve the situation. Amplify your voice responsibly.
